That Critical Inner Voice

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” - Maya Angelou

Take a moment to think about the following questions: Who is the  person you are the hardest on? Who is the person that takes the brunt of your criticism? Who is the person you talk down to the most?

In most cases, that person is yourself. It's that critical inner voice that gets really loud from time to time - that  can be  so harsh, so demeaning, so defeating, so…well… critical. We wouldn’t even dream of speaking to a child or a person we love with that tone of voice, yet we allow it to live rent-free in our head. How can we feel good about ourselves if our thoughts are telling us we’re not worthy, or we’re a failure, or no one could possibly love us the way we are? We make a mistake and that voice lambasts us. We try to change our life for the better, but that voice tells us that we can’t or that it’s safer to stay in our misery. We want to go for our dreams, but that voice assures us that they’re impossible and we don’t have the capacity to achieve them. The problem lies in giving credence to that voice. 

Our thoughts play a massively important role in how we feel, perceive, and act. What we have to keep in mind is that our critical inner voice isn't always our own. Some of those ‘voices’ come from family, teachers, friends, neighbors, religious institutions, the media, and our culture. We internalize those external “voices” (thoughts, beliefs, perspectives) and without realizing it, think that they are our own. 

In a society that seems to be more and more vanity-driven, it can be really challenging to come back to and stay true to ourselves. How many people base their worth on their success? On their physical appearance? On the number of followers and likes that they have? If we don’t dress, look, act, speak, or believe a certain way - how can we be liked or accepted? To not feel liked or accepted feels terrifying and that’s when our survival instincts kick in. The ego will do its best to help us survive, but that’s often misguided. The ego believes that if you maintain the status quo, all will be well. Externally it may seem that way, but internally you’ll feel unhappy, stuck, or empty. 

I love Brené Brown’s statement that “The opposite of belonging is fitting in.” When we do our best to fit in, we are giving up valuable aspects of ourselves. We are not being true to our Soul essence - our real and true self. You came into this human experience to be and express who you are. You’re nothing short of amazing, so why do you allow that critical voice to make you feel like shit? Why do you allow it to dim your light? Your life is yours - will you allow it to be ruled by other’s beliefs, projections, or expectations? 

Your Soul knows its inherent self-worth. I find it fascinating that when I catch my critical inner voice going off on me, I’ll check in with my Soul and ask if she feels that way too. I can feel in my heart that that’s not the case. This lets me know that I have some work to do. The mind can think and rationalize, but it’s the heart who really knows.

We may not be able to completely shut off that critical inner voice, but we can certainly turn it down and we can challenge it. When that voice gets loud - pay attention. What is it saying to you? Is it even your “voice?” Does what it’s saying feel good to you? If it doesn’t feel good, if it doesn’t feel freeing or expansive - it’s time to change thoughts. When your critical voice tells you that you can’t do x, y, or z, you can respond with “watch me” and start taking action in the direction you want to go. When the voice says, “See, it’s impossible!” - you pivot to where possibilities lie. When it insists on certain “truths” that make you feel terrible about yourself, know that those are lies. Truth with a capital ‘T,’ as in core truths, doesn’t hurt. 
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I can’t remember where I picked up this phrase over the years, but it’s been a game changer for me: “It’s none of your business what other people think of you.” I would add that it is your business what you think of yourself. No matter how ingrained a belief system is, it can always be changed. You get to decide how you feel and what you think about yourself and only you can do the work to get yourself there. 

​Heart hugs, Adrienne :)