 “The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” - Maya Angelou Take a moment to think about the following questions: Who is the person you are the hardest on? Who is the person that takes the brunt of your criticism? Who is the person you talk down to the most? In most cases, that person is yourself. It's that critical inner voice that gets really loud from time to time - that can be so harsh, so demeaning, so defeating, so…well… critical. We wouldn’t even dream of speaking to a child or a person we love with that tone of voice, yet we allow it to live rent-free in our head. How can we feel good about ourselves if our thoughts are telling us we’re not worthy, or we’re a failure, or no one could possibly love us the way we are? We make a mistake and that voice lambasts us. We try to change our life for the better, but that voice tells us that we can’t or that it’s safer to stay in our misery. We want to go for our dreams, but that voice assures us that they’re impossible and we don’t have the capacity to achieve them. The problem lies in giving credence to that voice. Our thoughts play a massively important role in how we feel, perceive, and act. What we have to keep in mind is that our critical inner voice isn't always our own. Some of those ‘voices’ come from family, teachers, friends, neighbors, religious institutions, the media, and our culture. We internalize those external “voices” (thoughts, beliefs, perspectives) and without realizing it, think that they are our own. In a society that seems to be more and more vanity-driven, it can be really challenging to come back to and stay true to ourselves. How many people base their worth on their success? On their physical appearance? On the number of followers and likes that they have? If we don’t dress, look, act, speak, or believe a certain way - how can we be liked or accepted? To not feel liked or accepted feels terrifying and that’s when our survival instincts kick in. The ego will do its best to help us survive, but that’s often misguided. The ego believes that if you maintain the status quo, all will be well. Externally it may seem that way, but internally you’ll feel unhappy, stuck, or empty. I love Brené Brown’s statement that “The opposite of belonging is fitting in.” When we do our best to fit in, we are giving up valuable aspects of ourselves. We are not being true to our Soul essence - our real and true self. You came into this human experience to be and express who you are. You’re nothing short of amazing, so why do you allow that critical voice to make you feel like shit? Why do you allow it to dim your light? Your life is yours - will you allow it to be ruled by other’s beliefs, projections, or expectations? Your Soul knows its inherent self-worth. I find it fascinating that when I catch my critical inner voice going off on me, I’ll check in with my Soul and ask if she feels that way too. I can feel in my heart that that’s not the case. This lets me know that I have some work to do. The mind can think and rationalize, but it’s the heart who really knows. We may not be able to completely shut off that critical inner voice, but we can certainly turn it down and we can challenge it. When that voice gets loud - pay attention. What is it saying to you? Is it even your “voice?” Does what it’s saying feel good to you? If it doesn’t feel good, if it doesn’t feel freeing or expansive - it’s time to change thoughts. When your critical voice tells you that you can’t do x, y, or z, you can respond with “watch me” and start taking action in the direction you want to go. When the voice says, “See, it’s impossible!” - you pivot to where possibilities lie. When it insists on certain “truths” that make you feel terrible about yourself, know that those are lies. Truth with a capital ‘T,’ as in core truths, doesn’t hurt. I can’t remember where I picked up this phrase over the years, but it’s been a game changer for me: “It’s none of your business what other people think of you.” I would add that it is your business what you think of yourself. No matter how ingrained a belief system is, it can always be changed. You get to decide how you feel and what you think about yourself and only you can do the work to get yourself there. Heart hugs, Adrienne :)
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 Have you ever felt stuck? I’m talking about the quicksand kind of stuck. Where you feel like no matter how much you try to get yourself out of it, you just sink deeper in. You see other people walking along the path happily heading to where they want to be going and you’re just there - stuck. Maybe you’re stuck in a job you hate, stuck in debt, stuck in an unhappy relationship, stuck being single, or stuck in depression. Whatever it is, you feel like you can’t get out of the cycle. You’ve probably tried or are still trying, yet you feel like you’re just spinning your wheels. Does this sound familiar?
Going back to the quicksand example, you might be waiting for someone to pull you out. You might already be resigned to this being your fate and that’s where you’re going to stay. The mere idea of getting out and back onto the path you want to go down can seem overwhelming or even downright impossible. The more you struggle and resist, the deeper and faster you sink. You might even start telling yourself that it’s just how life is going to be for you. Or, maybe, the voice in your head has convinced you that the Universe doesn’t care about you because you’re not lovable or worthy or acceptable enough to be on the path leading to your dreams, to the life you really want. When you intend to get unstuck, the Universe will throw you a line - it may come in the form of a branch, a rope, a hiking pole, or maybe another person. Where you have to be careful is how you judge the form the help comes in. If you think that a branch won’t pull you out, you may end up ignoring it and feeling upset that this wasn’t the help you expected - the help you so desperately prayed for. You might be waiting for a superhero to come and rescue you. Unlike how the fairy tales and comic books assured us, the likelihood of that is pretty low. In truth, you have to be your own superhero. You have to save yourself. You have to use your inner strength, wisdom, and determination to use the tools at your disposal to get yourself unstuck. Usually when we feel stuck, we think it’s because of our circumstances - that it’s due to what’s going on outside of us. While the external can be a contributing factor, it’s more about what’s going on internally. It comes down to the thoughts we’re thinking, the perspectives we hold - how we see life, as well as the stories we’re telling ourselves. If you feel like you’re not worthy of more in your life, you’ll stay stuck. If you feel like life hates you and you hate it right back, you’ll stay stuck. If you continually beat yourself up for getting stuck in the first place and not getting out, you’ll stay stuck. If you feel you suck at life, you’ll stay stuck. If you feel like the odds are stacked against you and there’s nothing you can do about it, you’ll stay stuck. If you feel like your dreams are impossible for someone like you, you’ll stay stuck. If you believe what other people tell you about how you should just stay where you are or that you can’t change, guess what? You’ll stay stuck. Just as it takes small movements to free yourself from quicksand, it takes small action steps to free yourself from your cycle of stuckness. Not sure where to start? Here are some ideas:
Just as it’s possible to free yourself from quicksand, it’s also very possible to get out of your stuckness and back onto the path of the life you dream of. Back onto a path of the life you choose to live. If that's you, know that I'm cheering you on! Heart hugs, Adrienne :) |
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October 2024
AuthorHello! I'm Adrienne Almamour, an empathic intuitive conduit. I assist people by detecting and clearing their subconscious emotional energy blockages. This blog is a commentary and reflection of life from an intuitive standpoint which also incorporates ways that allow us to be from our heart. |
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