One of the ways I make sense of things and work through my pain is I write. I find writing is essential to my healing process. I have gone through a lot of loss and transitioning over the past few years, but one event in particular really shattered my world. I ask that you indulge me as I dedicate this week's blog post to "The Ride" and to all of you who have gone through or are going through similar circumstances. If we decide it to be, the ride does get better.
It was you and me.
We’d been on the road for 6 years. Wow, did we have some amazing adventures!
Yes, we had hit potholes and construction and had wrecked a few times, but we were still moving along.
You were my buddy, my lover, my travel mate, my confidant, my best friend, my safety net and the person I most trusted – you were my world.
Though I knew I might not be your permanent co-pilot, I always assumed I’d have a place in your car. I mean, we were friends forever, right?
That is, until the day you slowed down, stopped the car and kicked me out – slamming the door and locking it.
Instead of giving me some warning and at the very least – dropping me off at a roadside rest – you left me stranded - barefoot, in the middle of nowhere, on a gravel road.
As you began to drive away, I turned my back on you until I realized that you were serious. In anger, in horror, in disbelief - I screamed and I ran after you. I threw handfuls of rocks hoping one of them would knock some sense back into you, but you just kept going – refusing to look in the rear view mirror.
Turns out, you had a different route in mind and a new passenger waiting for you to pick her up. You decided that while you still had space in the car, there wasn’t any room for me. All you needed was distance and the scrapbook of memories that you had stuffed somewhere in the trunk.
So, there I was, watching you fade out of sight and there was nothing I could do.
As I began to walk, a million unanswered questions continually went through my mind: Why did you just ditch me? How could you just ditch me? Did you really even care about me? Why didn’t you keep your promises? How could you just abandon me after everything we’d been through? Didn’t the last 6 years mean anything to you? How could you just drive away and leave me the way you did? How could you call yourself a friend???
With each excruciating step I took, the sharp stones of betrayal, of anger and of hurt; of resentment, of despair and of disbelief; and most especially of loss - cut deep into me - leaving me bloody and bruised.
I kept thinking: “He’ll come back. At some point he’ll worry and he’ll come back to at least check on me and make sure that I'm o.k.” – but, you never did, did you?
I thought about just lying on the side of the road and giving up. I almost did. But, I kept walking. Some days the pain was so intense and consumed me. Other days, I’d see a mirage of you coming back and apologizing and saying it was all a big mistake – but, it was just an illusion – or perhaps I should say, delusion.
As the days turned to weeks and the weeks to months, my calloused feet became stronger. I became stronger. As time passed - I worked through my pain, I begrudgingly accepted what was and I walked deep inside myself. Eventually, I hit asphalt. That is where I gained momentum.
My feet have healed, but the scars will always be there as a reminder. Yes, a reminder of the pain, but more importantly, a reminder of the blessings that occurred as I rose up out of the ashes. I have forgiven you - and myself. Even though you are no longer a part of my life, I am grateful for the 6 years we journeyed together. I am grateful for you, but I no longer dwell in the past and the might-have-been's of a present that doesn't exist.
Now, I’m driving my own car. Top down, wind blowing through my hair, my favorite tunes on the radio and a smile on my face. I know that my happiness comes from within me. I know that I am stronger than I ever imagined and can navigate this world just fine on my own no matter what obstacles pop up. I know that I’ve been through Hell, yet my bumper sticker reads: “Made it out alive & THRIVING.”
I'm driving in the direction of my dreams and aspirations. I plan to enjoy the ride, no matter how bumpy it may get. I will stop along the way and smell the flowers and take in the sights. I even look forward to meeting a new co-pilot who is going in the same direction as I am and would love nothing more than to enjoy, along with me, this ride we call life.
I saw this poster on Facebook and thought, "hmmm, that’s an interesting idea," but I couldn’t think of anything that resonates with me in that way. For some reason, though, this poster jumped out at me. I would find out why the very next day. A friend had liked someone’s comment about Burning Man and there was a photo of a sculpture. When I saw it, my jaw dropped and I could feel so much energy and emotion moving inside me. I thought back to Björk’s comment and said, "this is it!" I couldn't believe how this sculpture was conveying so many of my feelings - some of which even I didn't understand, until I saw the photo. I connected with this beautiful work of art on so many levels. The sculpture is called LOVE:
I went to the Burning Man website to find out more about this piece that is the brainchild of Ukranian, Alexandr Milov. The description reads: It demonstrates a conflict between a man and a woman as well as the outer and inner expression of human nature. The figures of the protagonists are made in the form of big metal cages, where their inner selves are captivated. Their inner selves are executed in the form of transparent children, who are holding out their hands through the grating. As it’s getting dark (night falls) the children start to shine. This shining is a symbol of purity and sincerity that brings people together and gives a chance of making up when the dark time arrives.
So beautiful. To me, LOVE says it all.
Click here to see a photo where the inner children are illuminated at nighttime.
If you’re unfamiliar with Burning Man or would like to see more photos of the art installations, I recommend the following links: http://geometria.tv/blogs/events/87060
Love, Adrienne :)
I saw this video the other day and it really got me thinking. There is a huge difference in how we interact with people in pain if we are empathizing with them or just sympathizing. This video has some important points, so please take the next 2 minutes and 40 seconds to perhaps garner a new way of understanding how to better connect with someone who needs it.
How often do we use the phrase "at least?" It would make me upset when people would use that with me as if my pain held no validity because "at least there was (insert whatever here)." I understand that it helps to see the bright side, but the pain needs to be acknowledged and felt so you can move through it and move on instead of just stuffing it down inside.
"Rarely can a response make something better, what makes something better is connection." It's often difficult for people to know what to say to someone who's going through something really painful. Our heart may be in the right place, but we tend to let our head take over. Instead of listening for the sake of allowing them to be heard, we tend to listen to respond. Sometimes, hearing them out, offering a hug and saying I care about you, I'm here for you is the best gift we can offer.
Love, Adrienne :)
Even though no one can replace him, we can follow in his footsteps by listening to what resonates with our hearts and by watching our thoughts and what we project out into the world. We can honor him, his life's work and ourselves by being the best version of ourselves that we can be. He shared a lot of wisdom and shined a lot of light into this world. We too, can shine our Light.
I send gratitude to Wayne for sharing his heart and Soul with the world. I send prayers to his family and close friends for comfort and peace at this time. I am grateful to be one of many whose life was touched by the work he did here on Earth. Thank you Wayne. Thank you for being such a beautiful beacon of Love and Light.
In tribute to him, here are a few of his quotes that I really resonate with:
Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy.
Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate.
The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about.
Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.
How cool! Hay House just put up the following link to watch Wayne's movie The Shift for free! The link does expire in a few days so take advantage. I absolutely loved the film. What a wonderful gift! Click here to watch The Shift.
Love, Adrienne :)
Hello! I'm Adrienne Almamour, an empathic intuitive conduit. I assist people by detecting and clearing their subconscious emotional energy blockages. This blog is a commentary and reflection of life from an intuitive standpoint which also incorporates ways that allow us to be from our heart.