Worried About Your Next Holiday Gathering?

The holidays can be triggering for many. It can be triggering for those who aren’t with family and also for those who are. I have experienced quite a few major holidays by myself. It’s not easy, nor much fun. I would still decorate, cook something special, and celebrate on my own, but those times helped me realize that the holidays are more about connecting with others, especially with family.  

Gathering with family can come with its own bag of issues. Our family members know how to push our buttons, and it’s fair to say we know how to push theirs too. Family get-togethers can be particularly challenging for empaths and HSPs (highly sensitive persons), like myself. While some may thrive on the noise and chaos, my nervous system goes into overdrive. Even though I truly enjoy seeing and spending some time with family, I have to take extra care of my needs so that I’m not left overly exhausted or stressed out.

Here are some practical tips that I'm using to help enjoy the holidays. They’re applicable whether you’re an empath, highly sensitive, or not. 

1. When a family member insults or upsets you, take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember that what comes out of their mouth says more about them than you. They’re usually projecting their own stuff or defending their own ego. At the end of the day, your opinion of yourself and your values matter way more than the opinions they may have of you.

2. When drama starts building, you have a choice: you can chip in and generate more drama, or you can choose to stay out of it, even walk away. Some people thrive on drama, and they need others’ energy to keep it going. Why bother empowering them? You can try switching the subject or simply say you’re not interested. Worst case scenario, leave the room or go get some air. 

3. If things are chaotic and you’re feeling overwhelmed, take 20-30 minutes away for yourself. Go into a room, lock the door, and rest or do something relaxing. Even better is getting outside and taking a walk. If you’re someone who starts to feel drained by being around so many people or a lot of activity, then you definitely need some alone time to recharge. 

4. Flexibility is a great skill that can be learned. Dynamics will shift when family is involved. Plans may change, the most unexpected things may come up, and your gathering may not pan out how you imagined it. When things are out of your control, again, take a step back, breathe, and just allow it to play out. There is no point in adding more stress to yourself. You deserve better than that.

5. At the same time, it is important to put up and maintain your boundaries when someone tries to cause you mental, emotional, or physical harm. Just as important is putting up boundaries when you start getting overwhelmed. It’s all about looking after your own well-being. Women especially will put everyone else’s needs first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself, delegate, and ask for help so that you have the energy and wherewithal to then look after everyone else. 

How about you? Do you have any great tips that help you enjoy the holidays? Please do share. Even though family can sometimes be our biggest point of stress and frustration, they are also one of our greatest sources of connection. I hope your holidays are filled with lots of love and some fun and wonderful memories that will fill your heart over the coming year. 

Heart Hugs, Adrienne :)