The "Enemy"

It’s easy to think of someone as the enemy when we generalize them, shove them into a descriptive box, and dehumanize them. Of course, we don’t usually realize we’re doing this. We just see them that way for whatever reason we have. Our government declares our enemies; some religious dogmas do the same. Don’t get me started with political parties. The “us” vs “them” mentality is what keeps us in discord; is what keeps us divided. Did you ever notice that the identity of the enemy is ever-changing? In WWII Germany, Italy, and Japan were our (U.S.) enemies. Yet, in 2024, they are not. The Soviet Union was an ally in WWII, yet that ended with the Cold War. 

My Grandpa was a marine in WWII and fought at Iwo Jima. I’m sure it never crossed his mind that a future grandchild would be living and teaching in the very country he was fighting against. During the Cold War, my mom, as an elementary student, would have to hide under her desk during the air raid drills. At that age, I’m sure she’d never imagined that in her adult years she’d be having dinner with her daughter’s friends from Russia. The irony was not lost on me when I was touring the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam with two young boys I was a nanny for. The boys are Jewish; my maiden name is German.

I have heard people rant about how the illegals need to be kept out and how they’re ruining our country. They speak of them with such contempt which makes me want to cry. Why? Because I have seen them first hand walking the dangerous journey from southern Mexico to what they hope will be a new and better life - if they can get across the border. Among them were many kids who looked to be my nephew’s age (teenager). As an empath, I don’t have to walk in their shoes to know what they were feeling. As an adult woman, the motherly side of me wanted to protect them. 

It’s easy to judge when someone looks or acts differently from you - more so when they hold different beliefs. It’s easy to generalize: democrats, republicans, black, white, Asian, straight, gay, trans, Christian, Jew, Muslim, illegal, migrant, refugee, liberal, conservative, sports fanatic, nature nut, geek, jock, emo, environmentalist, conspiracy theorist, and the list goes on. It’s so easy to put people in a box, but no one is specific to that one generalization alone. When you really take a moment to get to know someone, you’ll be amazed at what you actually have in common. 

Years ago, TV2 Denmark put out a fantastic ad. There are squares on the floor outlined by tape. Standing inside each square is a group of people - nurses, tattooed, sports fanatics, bodybuilders, etc. They then asked questions such as, Who was the class clown? Who loves to dance? Who was bullied? Who was the bully? Those who identified with the question, moved to the center of the room. There was such a mix of people for each of the questions. 

Another ad, this time by Coke, reminds us not to judge a book by its cover. They begin the commercial by stating that it takes 7 seconds to build a prejudice based on someone’s appearance. They show several men sitting at a table in the dark, and each describes a bit about himself while the others guess what he looks like. When the lights come up, they’re all shocked. The message of the commercial is that labels are for cans, not people. 

In case you haven’t heard of Humans of New York (HONY), I highly recommend checking it out. For years, Brandon has been out on the streets of NYC photographing, interviewing people, and then sharing their story on social media. Reading their stories brings out the human side of strangers. I’ve always said that HONY is bringing humanity back into the picture. I invite you to try a little experiment. Look at one of the photos of someone he’s interviewed and see what thoughts come to mind. How do you perceive them to be? Then, read their story. After you’ve read their story, look at their photo again. Do you still perceive them the same way?   

On my global travels I’d inevitably run into people who immediately disliked me due to my nationality. I would tell them that I’m not my country - I’m just from there. There’s way more to me than my country of origin. Shouldn’t they get to know me first before judging me? Had they taken the time to get to know me, they most likely would’ve found that I don’t fit their stereotype. Had we actually conversed, I bet we could’ve found some commonalities. 

Isn’t it about time we start looking past generalizations and begin breaking stereotypes? They are just constructs - constructs that we can choose to cement or disassemble. It can all begin with one conversation. The openness to hear the other person out, the willingness to get to know them and discover some commonalities. At the end of the day, you never know when your enemy could become an actual friend. 

Love, Adrienne :)